Are You In a Doomed Relationship?

Before you read any further, let me just say it. I don't know. Of course I don't know. There are no signs to count. It is what it is. A mess that we choose to stand in, sit in, wallow in, or get the hell out of. (Pardon the dangling prepositions, but they really were necessary to my point.) Anyway, if I had to count the number of "doomed" relationships I've been a part of, I'd be embarrassed to admit the number out loud. But then, once it's over, just thank God that it is.
The thing that puzzles me sometimes is how we choose to remain in relationships that are obviously no good for us, and then look for someone else to help us excuse it or make sense out of it. I've been known to ask questions like, "Well, do you think he really cares about me?" and then follow it up with, "Well, he just has trouble showing it." Or, "I think he loves me, but..." Or, "Sometimes, he really acts like he loves me, but..." But? A couple of buts and two slices of bread will give you a baloney sandwich. And let me not forget my personal favorites, "Well, I've invested so much time and effort into it, I just don't want to give up on it" Or, even better, "I'm not a quitter." Phooey on You-ey! If I were smarter, I would have quit sooner.
Okay, so, some years have passed and I'm infinitely wiser about recognizing and steering clear of doomed relationships. But they're all around me. People I know and love personally. People I read about and see on the tabloid news. Now there are some pieces of work, i.e., the Denise Richards-Charlie Sheen-Richie Sambora-Heather Locklear spectacle, the I'm so frikken frack tired of everybody feeling sorry for Jennifer Anniston nonsense, and there's the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes whatever it is. To that I can just say, God bless America! Oh well. Grown folks with more money and fewer real problems than I'll ever have.
But then a couple of days ago, it came back home, or close enough to it. I had a conversation recently with someone who is clearly in a doomed relationship, but who doesn't want to hear anything about getting out of it, because of reasons like, love, everything she's put into to, and something she's always wanted. Having the past that I do, I fully appreciate all that, but my question to her was, "What good is all that if it kills you?" No, it's not a physically abusive relationship, though, I know many people who can relate to that situation also. But it is a great source of overwhelming stress. If it doesn't kill her first, it may well kill me from worrying about it.
My point is this. Okay, I have a few points, and I'll use these lyrics from a few of my favorite songs to illustrate:
1. A love that tears you down, ain't really love - Mary J. Blige. Take this hint: If you don't get that warm fuzzy feeling, it's not there. Yes, relationships are hard work, but love shouldn't be. If you're giving more than you're getting, or worse yet, if you're getting more than you even want from the source that you're getting it, somebody's not in love. Consider what you're trying to save. Does it want to be rescued? And does it want to be rescued by you?
2. Who is she to tell me about my situation? - Natalie Cole. I don't know your situation, but you do. Take this hint: The name of that song is I'm Catching Hell, though in this song, she's regretting having let go of a good situation, rather than lamenting on staying in a bad one, but you get the point.
3. Someday, somehow, gonna make it all right, but not right now. - Nickel Back. The best I can tell is that this song is about breaking away from an unhealthy situation that just wasn't meant to be. Another hint: Being all right does not always happen instantly.
4. Be what you wanna be. Be strong and tell the world you're free - The Commodores. This is from a song called This is Your Life. It's about doing what you want to do. Good or bad. It is your life. But call it what it is.
5. For five long years, I thought you were my man. But I found out, I'm just a link in your chain. You got me where you want me. I ain't nothing but your fool. You treated me mean. You treated me cruel - Aretha Franklin. Surely, you get her point. If not, see similar themes in Your Love is Like a See-Saw, and Somebody Save Me.
6. You can't hide your lying eyes. And your smile's a thin disguise. - The Eagles. This one talks about motives for getting into doomed relationships in the first place. It makes you think about your real reasons for getting into and staying in certain situations.
Consider this: If you're maintaining/sustaining a relationship because of your pride, fear, feigned ignorance or some twisted sense of convenience, guilt or obligation, then you needn't keep asking the question, hoping someone will validate your reasons for staying. In fact, stop that. You already know the answer.
Of course, no relationship is perfect, nor should we expect it to be. I expect that any relationship worth holding onto is hard work. The operative words are worth holding onto. In my limited experience with healthy relationships, I'm sure that do not know all about what love is, though I consider myself familiar with it. But I've had enough extensive experience with unhealthy relationships to know exactly what love is not. I'm sure I'm in good company on that subject.