Already Somebody - Taking Self-Inventory

Once upon a time in my life, I was all but consumed by the thought of not being as far along in my career, education or personal life as I'd expected to be. I've since given up the time line that I once wore like a saddle. Did I mention that I once wanted to be a cowgirl when I grew up? Maybe in an earlier post. Turns out, I'm afraid of horses, which I found out at the county fair, after my uncle had paid a dollar for me to ride the pony.
There were also the more practical aspirations, including teacher, carpenter, bus driver, policeman, fireman, doctor, lawyer, judge, President of the United States, fairy princess, rocket designer, race car driver, astronaut, artist, comic strip writer, mouseketeer, and Queen of England, not exactly in that order. Okay, and not all of them realistic, either. Somewhere mixed in there, I was going to be the next Betty Crocker, Beverly Johnson, and/or Foxy Brown. I even had already decided on which products I would endorse, and who would play me in the movie version of my life. And this was all before the age of ten.
Whatever I would become, I always knew I wanted to be somebody. In high school and college, the career goals became a little more focused, though no less ambitious. I wanted to be an engineer once, but that's way too much math for me. I tried my luck as beauty queen, then model, then part-time, unpaid actor. I waited tables, answered a switchboard, and applied to law school, as a way of paying dues. At some fork in the road, I made a sharp left or a sharp right to the U.S. Army. At least once every other day, I ask the question, "What the hell am I doing here?" But I less frequently wonder about where all my stuff is, that I once wanted and why it's taking so long. I try to be content that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at this particular point in my life. It doesn't always make sense to me, but it is what it is.
We would all do well to take an occasional self-inventory, a personal examination into who we are as individuals. Getting to know ourselves on the inside is key to embracing that we are all already somebody. My theory is that if we're good people on the inside, then it is easier to like ourselves. Self-like equals self esteem. When we like ourselves, we are more inclined to make good choices for ourselves. If we choose to like the somebody we are on the inside, then we're less likely to be concerned with our images on the outside. At this point, we can make healthy, informed, and inspired choices to aspire to be more, or to do more. When we rush through our lives in pursuit of a certain image, or lifestyle, or celebrity status, we push ourselves too far, too fast, and often in the wrong direction, over lines that shouldn't be crossed. Sometimes, we move so fast and with such urgency, we don't even notice or recognize the lines.
I think the Faith Hill song, The Secret of Life got a lot of it right. Particularly, there's a line that says, "try not to hurry. Don't wait." I take it to mean that we shouldn't wait on life to happen to us. Live life to the fullest, but not in a hurry. We can enjoy life without speeding through it, just as we can pursue our goals without trying to put a rush on our destinies. We can put so much focus on getting stuff or getting to a certain place or status in life, that we miss out on the joy of the journey. Before you know it, we may end up with too much credit, or too much plastic surgery, and still can't face our images in the mirror.
I realize that some of us don't like ourselves on the outside, because there is likely something missing on the inside of us. Maybe our self-esteem or sense of self-worth has been damaged by someone, some event, or some external conditioning that we have allowed to influence our opinions of ourselves (magazines, T.V., movies, etc.) Some of us need to be taught to think for ourselves. Some of us are just too lazy to think for ourselves. And then there are some of us who are just bad people on the inside, who try to fool ourselves into believing that changing the outside will disguise it. But that's a whole other problem.